One more such incident and Lohan will be imprisoned for violating the terms of her probation for DUI and being caught with cocaine on her person.
Lohan may be a very public face of lesbian substance abuse, but she is only one of thousands of American lesbians suffering from addictions to alcohol and drugs.
I’ve been happily agreeing to mid-week trips to the pub, safe in the knowledge that without four-and-a-half glasses of rose lady fuel in me, I’ll leave at the sensible hour, walk right past the fried chicken shop on my way home without going in, and get up in the morning for a run. Meals out are fine, because I certainly won’t get a bit pissed and suggest we have an £18 bottle of desert wine with our apple crumble, and I’ll catch the last tube home, rather than dragging everyone to a kebab shop with a ‘really cool illegal bar’ (cellar with a six pack of Red Stripe in it), before spending £30 on a completely unnecessary taxi. Of course if you meet the right person, a sober date is fine. But I’m enjoying Dry January so much, it’s made me consider cutting how much I drink down on a long-term basis.
I’ll probably make myself a juice before I go to work too. If you have amazing chemistry, fancy the pants off each other, feel like you’ve known each other your entire life, and ‘can’t believe we’ve only just found each other’ then you’ll be so high on lust and infatuation, that one lime cordial will be enough to tip you into a euphoric Zen-like state. Unless you are impressively unfussy, dating is a numbers game, which means, by definition, that you will probably go on more sub-par, just about medium and downright terrible dates than really good ones. And if I do that (and if dating really is a numbers game), then I’m going to have to get on board with sober dating.
Just to clarify, I don’t mean meeting a bloke off Tinder for a lunchtime coffee – that’s a cop-out and doesn’t even register as a date.
I mean going on a proper night out with someone I’ve never met before, and not drinking at all, even though I’m knackered from work and don’t really want to talk to anyone. A(nother) decade of booze-soaked bad dates, misery hangovers, a burgeoning booze paunch and a wince-inducing overdraft?
Of those, one in ten drinks over the limit categorized as “infrequent” (one to 11 drinks per year) or “moderate” (one drink per day).
The NIAAA defines heavy drinking as drinking more than two drinks per day and/or getting legally drunk (approximately three drinks over a five-hour period will make an average sized woman drunk) more than once a year.
Alcohol is far more damaging to women’s bodies than to men’s due to how alcohol is metabolized and also because women’s livers are far smaller.
Stressful as it might be, I’m going to have to give this sober dating a go.
And because I know how much you all love my unsolicited and ill-informed advice, let me share my strategy for no-booze dating with you: I will go on dates with men I actually fancy and have something in common with.
Nothing’s going to make me reach for a bottle like a gaping conversational void, which I’m forced to fill with my favourite story: ‘The Life and Times of my Haircut’, followed by an supplementary monologue entitled: ‘Should I get a fringe?
’ I will warn all dates that I won’t be drinking in advance, and offer them a get out clause if they’d rather eat their own eyeball than spend two hours on a Wednesday night with me, sober. Instead of dark, boozy pubs (my normal suggestion for a first date), I will arrange to go to ‘nice’ bars where you can only afford one alcoholic drink anyway, or restaurants with ‘talking point’ food (maybe Korean?